I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they need to just BURY HIM!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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