Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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