He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
