i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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