i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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