He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
