i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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