I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
