can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
