I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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