My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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