I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
