Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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