i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize