Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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