you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
