I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
