Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
