just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
