My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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