I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
