oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
