Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
