get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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