what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
