? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
