i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
