Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
