My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
