it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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