I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
