They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
