Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
