i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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