Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
