he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
