12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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