dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
