I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
