Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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