I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
