If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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