I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
