brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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