Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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