dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
