So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
