just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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