what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
