It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am naked and annoyed.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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