I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
