Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
