No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
