mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
