I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize