I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
