We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
