Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
