You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
