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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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