I puked a lego.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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