1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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