feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
