she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
