Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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