I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
