How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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