What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
