Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
