i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We need a shit load of segways right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
