Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
