i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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