so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize