Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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