if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
