4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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