Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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