Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
