i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
