Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
