Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
