I looked at my own cervix.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
