Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
