There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
