Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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