He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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