It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if only i could text you this smell
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
