so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize