Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
