Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
