do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
