plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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