yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
