Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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