arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
