I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to make out with him forever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
