member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My pussy is not your playground.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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