did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
