she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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