best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
