I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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