we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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