it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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