I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
