I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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