R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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