Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize