i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
