don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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