Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
